Xena and Gabrielle



In 2003, a 10th planet was discovered in our Solar System. It was unveiled in 2005 as 2003UB313, nicknamed Xena, after the TV show. After a moon was discovered, they nicknamed it… you guessed it, Gabrielle. This discovery brings up a question that has been lingering for decades over the designation of Pluto and the other bodies at the very edge of our Solar System. Pluto acts a lot like a comet, but to humans, it’s been a planet for over 50 years. Now that we have a 10th “planet” trying to join the club, where do we draw the line? I think Pluto and Xena are part of the Kuiper belt, just large rocks floating around at the edge of our yard. It's just what I think, doesn't hold much weight in the astronomical community. Planet, Comet, makes no nevermind to me… but they’re still comets 😉
Today, the Senate will debate an amendment to the Constitution banning same sex marriage. In honor of the occasion, with tongue in cheek, I share this parody with you…

My friends, I’m sure you will join me in denouncing the astronomical community for adding a new citizen to our already overcrowded Solar System. This is an obvious ploy by the interplanetary astronomical community to instill DEVIANT lifestyle choices in our youngest children! When I show my daughter Neptune, and she asks me “What’s past that, daddy?” All I can say is “Sea monsters and Kraken, my dear.” And when she goes to school, there it is again. Pluto and Charon; Xena and Gabrielle, flouting their Kuiper Belt lifestyles in front of our children! This will inevitably lead to a general acceptance of the Kuiper Belt Lifestyle, and the clear degradation of what it means to be a moral planet in our Solar System! What’s next, will Uranus and Neptune tilt their orbits 40 degrees and declare themselves free of their moons? Abandon your children for a comet’s life! That’s what will happen! And what will our children learn from this deviant experiment in planethood? That any little bit of rock flying any which way can be called a planet as long as the Planetary Illuminati call it one. I say, DOWN with astronomical Elitism. Astronomer Activism has been a problem ever since The Mars Canal denyers. The line has to be drawn here. Having already accepted one Kuiper Belt Dilettante, we should forcefully deny admittance to this new upstart. Xena and Gabrielle should stay where they are, on the fringes of our consciousness. They can’t bother anyone, as long as we ignore them. In fact, I think we should change our Constitution to say so!
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